Wednesday, May 18, 2011

When is enough, enough?

Over the years I have learned that in order for other people to respect me and my boundaries that I have to be the one to respect and obey them first. There are some people in life that give give give and don’t know how to take, others only know how to take and then there are those who have learned the magical balance of boundaries, respect and the fine art of give and take. Where do you fit in all of this and have you learned to respect your own boundaries?
I like to take care of people and as a result of that I was taken advantage of more times than I can count, even from some of my family members who were looking out for themselves. I have since grown a much thicker skin and even though some of my decisions to respect myself and my boundaries hurt me, I know that in the long run its best for me and my overall sanity and well-being.
My mom is one of those people who give and give until there when there is nothing left for her to give, she would then give you the shirt off of her back. She grew up having to be the parent figure in all of her sisters lives and is still trying to be that figure. Unfortunately in some situations she continuously gets hurt and taken advantage of because they know she will always be there and my mom won’t say no.
My mom is one out of five girls in her family and I currently only talking to one of my aunts. My mom and I have had many discussions about this. Her side is always “But they are Family” and mine vary depending on how exhausted I am about the topic or what new mud they are currently dragging my mom through. My overall point to my mom is that because they are family they should treat you better than anyone else, they should have your back, they shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself and after all the years of constant adoration and support there should be some mutual respect.
I understand family is important, But I believe that the word “Family” is often used as a weapon of guilt and being “Family” is more than just blood.
With everything wrong in the world and everything we go through in our lives True Family supports and cares and will be there for you in a flash if necessary. I may have had to make some hard choices with whom I talk to in my mom’s family, but I am lucky with the ones I still do talk to. They make up for all the other bad and that I am incredibly lucky with the family I married into and my extended family my close knit group of friends that I know without a doubt would have my back in an instant without second thought.
Trust, love and respect are not deserved, they are earned. I’m not saying I’m perfect or that I’m stone cold and cut people off without second thought. My decisions to cut people off from my life have been hard and weigh heavily with me, but I know that I want good things in my life. I want happy times, positive influences and to be able to trust all of those around me.  When it comes down to it you have to put yourself first, protect you and the ones you love. Decide when enough is enough and respect yourself enough to stand by your decisions.
Boundaries and guard rails are there for a reason, to protect us! Live life to the fullest and know when it’s a good thing to step out on the ledge and trust and when it’s time to put the safety guard up and say no!

Lotsa Love,

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