First flutters

There are a whole whack load of changes you go through when your pregnant; physically, emotionally and mentally. Some difficult, not so fun and some magical.

I'm thankfully now in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy and loving it. I've made it through the 24hr nausea and exhaustion. Now I get to experience the fun.

Feeling the first flutter of my babies movements was an incredible moment, one made even more special because I was snuggled on the couch with Ryan and he was rubbing my belly. It was like that fast flutter was the babies way of saying hello to us. Seeing as I'm only 4 months the flutters are not very strong or frequent yet, but I still get those special moments a few times a day where my baby says hello. I cannot wait to have Ryan feel the movements, but that's still a little bit away.

I definitely have to say that pregnancy is one crazy and amazing adventure. What our bodies go through and can feel is incredible. I thank the lucky stars, the ottawa fertility clinic and hot 89.8 every day that I get to be apart of this adventure. I only hope that anyone who wants to experience this kind of blind love gets to some day.

Lotsa Love,
Natasha

I'm a dreamer

I have often wandered what my dreams mean, do they come from a fear, desire or from the creative part of my brain. There are tons of books or sites that will tell you what your dream meant, but can a dream just be a dream?

 

Lately all I dream about is food, I then wake up and crave the food I have dreamt about. Now do I have some sort of fear or obsession with food, does food represent something else? Or is it simply because I am three months pregnant and hungry all the time?

 

Thankfully my dream food cravings have all been very healthy; like berries, Greek salad, tomato sandwiches, v8 or fajitas. I think my cravings have actually made me eat healthier then I did before I started dream craving lol. I thankfully have yet to have a weird or crazy mixture craving like i've heard so much about, so far my food groups remain separate lol. Oddly enough meat seams to be the only thing that i've periodically had aversions to, I normally could live off of meat, every once in a while I will think about what to make or walk past the butcher section of the grocery store and get completely turned off, however this normally only last a day or so and I'm back to normal.

 

This has been a new occurrence in my pregnancy, id say within the past few weeks. I've heard about pregnancy cravings before but never ones that came in a dream…lol  Maybe it's the babies way of telling me its hungry even when I'm sleeping or my brain planning out my next days menu. Either way I am finding this comical and interesting, going with the flow and seeing where it takes me.

 

So while everyone else dreams of work, some sexy actor or monsters, I will be in food dream land with piles of strawberries or big platters of Lone Star Fajitas all around me. MMMM I think my dreams are better…lol What will you dream of tonight?

 

Lotsa Love,

Natasha

How your world can be taken over by something so small

When going through anything new or big it's hard to focus on anything else. Hard to talk about, read about, relate to or or even shop regularly.

On Saturday I will be 12 weeks pregnant and seeing as I went through IVF I know every detail and minute of how my pregnancy started. So i have had some time to allow this to creep into my mind. My mind that was once filled with all kinds of things is now filled with baby facts, books, apps for my iPhone, drs appointments, my next ultrasound date, baby names, will it be a boy or girl, how should I decorate the nursery and you get the point lol.

Mine and my husbands world has been flipped and we couldn't be more excited. We know we still have quite the journey ahead but cannot wait to meet our little one. Thankfully Ryan's sister is do any time now and the prospect of her little girl coming into this world has me a little distracted.

Because everyone knew we were going through IVF and knew when we were going in for our blood work; everyone found out with us that the round took at just over 4 weeks. So our families and friends have had lots of time to celebrate and now they start to shop lol.

It seems like as my tummy starts to grow and my scar tissue painfully stretches I am becoming more and more accepting of the actual fact I am pregnant lol. The things I look forward to now are maternity shopping, ultrasound dates, when I can hear the heart beat again and getting stuff for our little miracle. My brain has become mushy with baby lol.

Time seems to be flying by and I can't believe that three months are already almost here and gone. Maybe my hormonal brain will let me think about something else in the near future, but until then I'm enjoying swimming in the happiness that is being pregnant.

Lotsa Love,
Natasha

The sweetest sound

There are not many sounds that I can say stop me in my tracks, bring me to tears and warm my heart all at the same time. Just this past week I got to hear one of those sounds for the very first time, the sound of my babies heartbeat. One perfect, fast, loud heartbeat, that stole my heart.

 

After years of struggling and disappointment, no matter what your trying to achieve, after a while I think you become more used to the disappointment and not the positive. So even though the bloating, exhaustion, nausea and very small baby bump remind me every day that I am pregnant, there are days when I don't really think its sunk in. Then I go to my first Drs appointment and I'm told not to get my hopes up that you cant always hear the heartbeat at ten weeks. So I lay waiting, not getting my hopes up until I heard the most perfect sound I will ever hear, the heartbeat of my baby.

 

My husband was unable to make it to my appointment, of course one of the only appointments he missed throughout our whole IVF process. Fortunately my Dr allowed me to record the sound on my phone and I was able to share the wonderful sound with my Husband and our families. I think he has now listened to it over 30 times.

 

Its crazy how sometimes even though you know something to be true it takes a whole lot of proof for it to sink in. I may be in the delivery room before it has fully sunk in for me…lol. Luckily I have my husband who very lovingly gives my belly kisses goodnight, every night, to remind me.

 

So I guess what I need to learn is to accept the good in, without undeniable proof. The enjoy the good times and to just go along for the ride. We cant control everything and sometimes we just need to go with the flow.

 

Lotsa Love,

Natasha

Big Little Announcement - IVF update

 For those of you who don't live in the Ottawa area or listen to the New Hot 89.9, you may have missed our BIG little announcement. After years and years of trying, entering and winning the Win a Baby contest and going through one round of IVF my husband Ryan and I are extremely excited to say that we are expecting our first little bundle of joy. I AM PREGNANT!!!!!

 

Words can not express how excited we are. There are days when I wake up and its not until the nausea and exhaustion kicks in that I believe that im really pregnant.

 

We are expecting our little one on November 10th and I know its still far away, but I cannot wait to meet the baby I have been dreaming of for so long. Every night my husband says goodnight to the baby and kisses my tummy goodnight, I fall asleep and dream of what he or she might be like, what features of mine or Ryan's it may have or if it will be a girl or boy.

 

A year ago I wouldn't have guessed that this is where I would be today. After struggling for so long a part of you looses hope and stops dreaming all together. Its nice to be dreaming again.

 

The day we got the phone call from the clinic giving us the amazing news is a day we will never forget. I have to give the highest praises to the Ottawa Fertility Centre for their amazing care. From beginning to end, they were absolutely amazing to us.

 

I cant wait to share this amazing new journey with all of you.

 

Lotsa Love,

Natasha

Babe Lessons - Stark Naked

Who as a child has not taken part in the freedom of escaping the diaper change and running off wild with not a care in the world?  From my mom’s recounts of my own childhood, to siblings and cousins and even friends parents reliving embarrassing stories about stark naked runners all have the same key idea; no shame or body issues. Shame and body image issues are things that are taught and observed, not something you are born with.  Could you imagine as a child standing waiting for your bus in your neon tight biker shorts and tank top looking at your friend and asking “do these shorts make me look fat?” or avoiding playing because it would mess up your hair “sorry I can’t play ball with you, I just did my hair”; your probably laughing at the image right now because of how absurd the idea is. I cannot ever remember worrying about what I looked like as a child; I was too busy being a child! In most of my family’s pictures of me I am most certainly looking dishevelled but I also look like I’m having the time of my life and smiling from ear to ear in every picture. So at what age do we stop striping down because we are hot and want to run through a sprinkler butt naked or when is it decided that we have to worry about our weight and appearance? I am not an expert in child psychology, nor do I know the answer to that question, what I do know is that it is way too early and children are not coming up with it on their own. Could you imagine “OMG Janet is by far the fattest grade two there is, what is she wearing?”?

Children are incredible observers, they hear and absorb more than most people give them credit for. Simple learned habits that children pick up from people in their lives and with media being focused on the super thin and perfect it’s a scary fact that it is almost inevitable that children will grow up with insecurities. I’m not saying that we should all drop our clothes because we feel like it or become obese because we don’t care; I am however saying that moderation and self-love and not loathing are key ingredients.  Teaching and demonstrating that beautiful isn’t a mould and that there is more to a person then the outer shell.

We need to realize that nobody is perfect, so to strive for constant perfection is like striving for constant failure. Your body is yours for life, so get used to it, yes be healthy and make smart choices, but do not fall a victim to pressures that set people up for failure and possible addictions and disorders. It breaks my heart when I hear a child make comments about their weight or being fat or teens talking about how they haven’t eaten all day on purpose because they want to lose weight. I have been a witness to amazing people falling victim to eaten disorders because of twisted views of being perfect getting out of control and that person ends up being lost to the disease that is far from pretty or perfect.

We cannot ever dream of trying to fix other peoples views until we fix ourselves and that is when I think we can take notes from babies and small children who have yet to be tainted by unrealistic standards. We need to not only take steps but giant leaps and bounds back to our earlier year views of ourselves. When is the last time you looked at yourself and were completely happy with what you saw? When is the last time you walked around naked or even were naked in front of another person without hiding in the dark? If we all had a person who followed us around all day with an airbrush then I would say sure your expectations to look like someone whose job is to always look like that and has been touched up by magazine editors is completely justifiable, but until then we need to step back and take stock in what’s real.  To me and many others I have talked to about similar topics someone who is happy and smiling and secure is way more attractive then someone who is so done up that they are afraid to move and are obviously incredibly insecure with themselves.

Am I always super secure with myself, no, I have my bloated hormonal hard on me days like most people do. But do I starve myself, do I cut other people down to make me feel better or have unrealistic goals of how I should look? NO! I like who I am and I know that no one is perfect, I think that people’s imperfections are what makes them unique, we have all seen the movie step ford wives and that does not end well…, sure I feel like I could lose a few pounds, but I know I will never be a size zero, my love affair with food would never allow that… nor my 5’11 body frame.

Let’s make positive changes with our own views of ourselves and what beautiful is so that someone day there will be a generation of children who will never be upset about their being butter on their bagel or counting the calories of everything they eat and will never have to know what an eating disorder is. Take this lesson from the babes and learn to love you and everything about you.

Start by not caring if someone is watching you and have fun instead of trying to look like you’re having fun; as a child I never cared if someone was watching me, I was far too involved in whatever story I had created for myself in my make believe world.

Leave the house without make up, I promise there is not a force field preventing you from doing so.

Go one day without thinking a negative thought about your appearance, do it I dare you, see if you can.

Idolize someone for the person they are and not their perceived outward perfection.

Start by taking these baby steps in the shoes of babes and learn to unconditionally love yourself all over again, it’s a love affair you won’t want to miss. 

Lotsa Love,

Natasha

LOL

When's the last time you had a good belly laugh? I mean the kind that leaves your abbs hurting, eyes watering and some occasional snorting? When you didn't care who around your heard this outburst of insanity?

I have been told many a time that my laugh is identifiable. People saying "I knew it was you, I could tell by your laugh". In the past this has sometimes bothered me depending on the tone in which the comments where said, then I realized isn't better to have a big booming laugh that people recognize, then having one people never notice?

One thing that is great about a big laugh is that it is normally infectious, so I'm rarely left laughing in tears alone. So I guess if there is one thing I could spread, laughter and happiness would be it.

Our lives are so busy, fast paced and serious as adults; if you cant answer when's the last time you peed your pants laughing... Then we've got some issues, the grown up world and snatched you up.

Next time you hear someone full out laughing, instead of judging try joining in. Try to release some of the control over yourself and allow the healing power of a laugh to overcome you. Laugh so loudly that people have no choice but to notice your fantastic laugh. Because life is far to short to take too seriously.

Lotsa Love,
Natasha