Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Got Anger?

Many people think that anger is a bad thing, but I think anger (like any other emotion) is just our body trying to tell us something. If we can catch it before it takes over and just listen to what it is telling us we can really learn something from the experience.
I don’t know how many times I have had a conversation with my husband that goes a little something like this; me “Ahh I don’t even care anymore, I’m tired of talking about this!” This leads to him chuckling and proving that once again he may have a point by saying “Yes you do, if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be angry about it”.  I would never admit it to him (expect for when he reads this, hi honey) that he’s right. I wouldn’t let something or someone stress me out or anger me if I didn’t care about the person or situation. There have been times when I’ve been so hurt and angry about a situation and it is only then that I realized how much I cared.
Anger is a tricky emotion and I say it’s tricky only because most people don’t know how to handle it. We bury it, misplace it, push it away ‘claiming’ we’ve forgotten it. But eventually, an incident will spark that previous memory to explode onto the surface making the situation far more complicated. Some people hold on to anger so long that long after the situation is passed they are still being poisoned by the effects of holding onto it, causing themselves way more damage and exasperated energy then had they dealt with it when it first happened.
It can be easy to deflect or misplace anger onto another person or situation, because we are not willing or don’t know how to dig deeper and figure out the root cause. Anger is an emotion that gets worse when avoided, so I recommend not too… I see anger as a volcano; it can only stay dormant so long one day it’s bound to erupt.
I have held on to anger before because I didn’t know how to say the words I needed to or wasn’t sure how the outcome of the conversation would end up. We cannot predict how things will go, but I have seen firsthand what it’s like to hold on until you cannot any longer and that is not pretty.
I always try to approach each anger situation with explaining how my feelings were affected in the process, hoping that the person I am speaking to will react empathetically rather than defensively. Striking someone with negative remarks or low blows because you’re angry (eventhough it might feel great at the time!) will only complicate the issue and cause further pain on an already strained relationship.
Like any other emotion we need to look within and find out the why; why am I angry? When we start to decipher the scenario ourselves we can work though it on our own, sometimes severe venting is required and then there is the times when the only way to resolve the anger is by expressing your feelings with the person they are directed act. I cannot tell you how it will work out in the end, but I do know that it’s a lot better than holding on and having it eat away at you.
Use anger as a tool, as a compass to let you know when something is not right and bothering you. Get connected to why you feel the way you do and have healthy conversations rather than explosive freak outs. If we get connected to all of our emotions and realize where they come from and why we feel the way we do the world will be a lot less confusing and you’ll feel overall more relaxed and empowered that you can handle any situations that are thrown your way.
Replace blame with inward reflection and words of feelings and anger will be a much easier emotion to tackle.

Lotsa Love,


  1. This article is really useful to me as I usually hold grudges against people. It is my nature to have explosive feelings instead of talking things calmly. I always need to settle problems as soon as possible but it always results in a bad fight if the other party is not mature enough.I am trying really hard to fight my anger problems but it is so difficult. Thank you for your article though. I will keep it in mind the next time I want to explode again.

    West Vancouver Houses

  2. Hey Tash interesting article on anger! I myself, as you may or may not know by now, is an extremely calm individual, for the most part. I do get passionate about things but we must be careful to not categorize passion as anger. I think anger stems from long bouts of similar situations that always end up being the same result, so we get frustrated and lash out in anger. It's about memory and about holding onto that memory and letting it affect us.

    A great tool I use in dealing with anger is prioritizing every situation I'm in and trying to hold onto the positive and try not to dwell on the negative. This gives me calmness when the same situation comes back again. Easier said then done I'm sure!

    I think empathy and forgiveness are 2 massive things we need to use and learn in order to not let anger guide our emotion. I often find myself second guessing an emotion or a thought because of how that emotion or thought might affect those around me. If you can take a moment and prioritize your emotional anger you have given yourself enough time to think of a nice way of saying something that might otherwise be an angry response.

    Anger does have alot to do with repeated situations that don't change and eventually boils over. Throwing that boiling pot of water on someone will obviously be met with complete anger back or be met with a timid response. Either one is unhealthy and a rational way of dealing with something should always be the first response. Of course if things never change then the best way to deal with it is to walk away completely. The message will be well received!

    Keep it up