Friday, May 24, 2013

My stages of dealing with infertility

Much like dealing with a loss, finding out you have a fertility problem can be emotionality crippling. The slew of emotions we go through can vary and often mimic the stages of grief, at least they did for me. Denial, anger, depression and acceptance have all taken there part in my infertility journey!

I always suspected that there was a fertility issue lurking in the shadows, my husband and I tried off and on for nearly 6 years before our round of IVF that produced my beautiful son. I always knew something was wrong but neither one of us were ready to accept it. We tried everything, I read books, we tried diets, certain foods, yoga, supplements, temperature charting and of course lots of practice. Denial played a big part of our journey until my doctor told me there was nothing else she could do and referred us to the Ottawa Fertility Center. It was there that we were told that, short of a miracle, our shot of having our own child would be through IVF. Ryan and I both knew that wasn't something we could afford and I got hit with anger and depression at varying intervals. I was angry at the situation and depressed that I might not ever be able to have a child with the man I love. Going through this stage was tricky as it seemed almost everyone around me could and was getting pregnant. Baby showers, baby bumps and constant questioning why we didn't have children yet were a constant reminder of our "failure". It took me several months and a lot of love and support to navigate through the dark phase of our journey. When I finally arrived at acceptance, it couldn't have come at a better time as I wouldn't have been so open to airing our "dirty" laundry, we got the greatest gift we won a very unconventional radio contest Win a Baby and our chance at making our family whole. Going through the stages and accepting our situation made it a lot easier to talk publicly about our situation and advocate for Ohip4Ivf and a change in the perception of infertility.

We all deal with difficult situations in our own way, but we don't have to deal with them alone. Once I opened up people started to come out of the woodwork and approach me with there stories, I realized that everything is not as it seems and I was not alone.  1 in 6 couples in Ontario are affected by infertility, we are 1 in 6. It took me a while but I realized that I had not failed, it was not my fault that I had a medical issue, that infertility was not a dirty word that should be kept hidden and that by talking about it we could help make a difference. So that is what I am doing today.

If you are 1 in 6 realize you are not alone and if you haven't yet, reach out and talk to someone.

If you know someone who is 1 in 6 show them support and help raise awareness, don't judge and just be there when they need you.

If you are not aware of anyone in your inner circle that is 1 in 6 chances are they are struggling in silence, help them out by educating yourself and helping with awareness.

We can all make a difference in infertility awareness, help make a change.

Lotsa Love,

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